OTBS #36 - Till Stench Do Us Part

OTBS #36 - Till Stench Do Us Part

OK, So I have to tell you, this is absolutely true. All of my "On The Bright Side" posts are true, but this sounds so outlandish that I have to tell you ahead of time it is 100% true and happened today! UY!!!!


While walking through the supermarket with my husband and two sons, we start to notice a horrible stench. We come to realize that the horrible stench is coming from, yep, you guessed it: ME! I asked my youngest "Does Mommy smell bad?" His response was, "PEEE U Mommy! You stink!" My husband agreed and started walking several feet away from me. He told me I smelled like bad B.O. I was mortified! I had been to church, out to lunch with my family, and now was in the supermarket apparently offending everyone. The only thing we could think of was that I had some garlic in my dinner last night and I must be sweating it out.

So, we drove home, with the windows wide open because I was filling up the car with my assumed body odor. As soon as I got in the house I stripped down to a) see if the smell was coming from me or my clothing and b) take the longest, hottest shower possible to get rid of the odor. What should I find as I tore off my clothing (out of disgust) but a grilled onion stuck in my cleavage from falling out of my burger at lunch! AN ONION!!!! I had been offending my family and the world with an onion in my cleavage! UGH! Mommydome! (Or should I say Mommy-dumb?)


On The Bright Side: While gagging my husband at the supermarket, he informed me that I have NEVER smelled so bad - EVER. In all our years of marriage, through all the kids' projectile vomiting on mommy, dirty diapers, flu seasons, Rotovirus hospitalizations, morning sickness... through it all, the good news is that I have NEVER SMELLED SO BAD - ever.

PLUS, I apparenlty smelled so bad that I helped us get through the line faster as I literally "cleared the way" with my 3 foot radius of stench! (Hubby just informed me as he read this over my shoulder that is was more like a 4-foot radius)


PS - I don't know if I have ever been so embarassed in my life! That's what I get for trying to put stickers on my son's toy car while eating my lunch - mommy multi tasking as usual.

OTBS #35 - Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid...

  My 4 and 6 year old boys insisted that I stay upstairs in bed as they had been making breakfast all morning. I am afraid, very afraid…

On The Bright Side: When I went down stairs there was no mess.

On The Dark Side: They made Doritos, apple sauce and Nerds for breakfast.

On The Brighter Side: They didn’t make any for me!

OTBS #34 - Always Blue Skies

We are on our way to the beach. The car is loaded with snacks, beach toys, sunscreen, supplies, all of us and an extra kid to boot. And now it's starting to rain.

On The Bright Side: There's always a blue sky behind the clouds.

OTBS #33 - Professional Catcher

         All of a sudden my three year old has gotten in the habit of putting so much food in his mouth to eat that he is literally choking on his food now. I’ve had to Heimlich him a couple of times and he has thrown up from choking on his food more than a handful of times.

On The Bright Side: From all the years of my other child, the gagger, throwing up I’ve become an expert vomit catcher. Yep. I can catch projectile vomit in my hands like a pro. At the sign of a gag my hands turn into catchers' mitts and save all sorts of things from clothing to carpets to beds to perfectly good plates of food… Yep. That’s part of my job description as a mom now. Spectacular.

OTBS #32 - Too much to ask

All I want is a clean house, a happy family, and some sanity. Is that too much to ask?

On The Bright Side: It’s good to have goals.

OTBS #31 - Crazy 8

My kids are driving me crazy and it’s only 8am!

On The Bright Side: Chick-fil-A is open already! And they will even bring me my drink. Woo Hoo!

OTBS #30 - Good Day

Today was a good day.

On The Bright Side: I’ve really started to learn to recognize and enjoy a “good day” and just what a good day means to my family and to me.

OTBS #29 - Messy Meals

There is constantly food being dropped under my kids’ seats and getting all over the floor. It’s just a mess under there after every meal!

On The Bright Side: I don’t have to feed the dog any more. They just eat everything the kids drop under the table, 3 meals a day, 2 snacks a day… We’ve got one fat dog now though!

OTBS #28 - No big deal

Great. My husband AND my kids are sick in bed!

On The Bright Side: I take care of them all any way so, not much has changed here…

OTBS #27 - They are all against me!

I can’t ever keep or get the house clean. My kids are constantly working against me in that department.

On The Bright Side: I don’t have to stress about cooking or entertaining for my adult friends. Can’t have them over to a messy house so I guess I just won’t have to worry about that any more.

OTBS #26 - Excuses Excuses

Nice. My child threw up all over the sofa AND the carpet today.

On The Bright Side: Yay! I get to have the sofa and the carpet steam cleaned! And I have an excuse on why it just has to be done.

OTBS #25 - Stuck at Home

Ugh. I’m stuck home with the kids all day!

On The Bright Side: I’m home with the kids all day.

OTBS #24 - Salesman

My son, sitting in the toy box pretending to be a toy salesman: “Would you like to buy this toy sir?”

Me, because I don’t want to have to clean up a whole bunch more toys as he pulls every toy out of the box pretending like this: “No thanks.”

My son: “But it’s ON SALE!”

     On The Bright Side: There is just no response for that.

OTBS #23 - Sleepless

Well, I couldn’t fall asleep until after 5:15 am, then was up with the kids at 6:30am. This should be an interesting day.

On The Bright Side: I should be so exhausted that I won’t have a clue what’s going on around me, even when the kids are screaming or crying… I should be able to tune out pretty well…

OTBS #22 - Bed Crawler

My toddler crawled into my bed in the middle of the night with a fever and not feeling well, then proceeded to throw up all over my bed.

On The Bright Side: It finally got me to change my sheets and now I can’t wait to slip into bed tonight with nice clean sheets. Yay! Something to look forward to!

OTBS #21 - Contamination

My children are sick, and throwing up all night after our labor day weekend of children’s birthday parties. Day one – birthday child had sore throat, day two – birthday child had croup, day three – birthday child “was coming down with something.” We didn’t know any of this until we were actually at the parties.

On The Bright Side:  Well, they certainly are building up great immune systems.

OTBS #20- Broken Bones

I broke my toe on my son’s leg while running to get the phone because I was so excited to get to speak to an adult.

On The Bright Side:  I have the right shoes to wear from all the other times I’ve broken my toe. Plus, I got to speak to an adult!

OTBS #19

My child is bored on the very long car trip to Florida and we’re having to make up silly games for entertainment purposes.

On The Bright Side:  We now know how many cell phone towers there are for 1000 miles from our house.

OTBS #18

The baby is screaming at the top of his lungs for over an hour on the airplane and there is nothing that can be done to stop him.

On The Bright Side: I now have the whole row to myself.

OTBS #17

My child takes everything apart – chairs, toys, screwdrivers, remotes, toaster, and so on and so on…

On The Bright Side: I’ll have a mechanic in the family.